a bag of candies. and everything falls apart. if you don’t play the game, you can not win. dig in, start raping, exploit it all. kill me.

my dad is talking about building another house. to generate retirement revenue. so that even if we play it low key, we can still pay the bills. because there are bills for doing nothing. unless of course you are talking about the environment, then we can just buy carbon credits and pollution offsets. something is being done. money is moving. the capitalists are capitalizing.

it’s you or me. and i have to fuck you to stay alive. how about next time, we design a sustainable and HEALTHY economy based in love?

why so sour asked the lemon. look at yourself. the only person i should talk to is a mirror. the me in the virtual reflection. the punk rock and death metal. beyond. inset. and just as fake.

flat eric and i do not share the same pose. his asana outshines mine. he is disciplined. i am weak. how did i let it come to this? i get what i deserve.

i feel like in a year. i am still going to be here. rotting. festering. even more of a recluse from society. terrified of the terrible and even less able to relate. i read the paper yesterday. skimmed would be a better verb. and shuttered. the madness. makes me look righteous. tearing down a senator because he started a bank. crisis. more job loss. universal health care for americans only. futile education. budgets. revenue. and despair.

i listened to the radio. buy buy buy. i am selling shit, you want it, call me. or stop by. buy buy bye.

i have been in front of the computer too frequently. give me my love back.

the sun sets. the family conjoins. dinner is prepared. to an ipod. is this bonding?

do we feel more in love?

closer?

what are we really trying to say? is it really necessary for us to blather a story. a point of view of some situation. when we were away, or when we are together. something we both agree on. or you trusting me to tell you “truth”. which is what it becomes when you affirm it. i could have told you anything, and until you verified it, your decision is mine.

we meta analyze other people. do we?

oh. so i was riding. and i realized. names.

they are very powerful. each syllable belongs to a different god. so single syllable named people have one god contained in them. while jennifer has four. you embody that god and can express traits at will. a name is not all powerful. you can pass it down to your children, the same name, and the god lives on. or such as johnson.

would other people be too scared to talk about this? to show compassion and understanding!

am i wrong? surely. our truth is mine. you are always right.

i’ll be back.

everyone has a purpose. what is yours now? say it out loud.

“to go deeper”

were we the same? are we the same? you are bound. by oath.

drama. NO.x

think about it. thinking that is.

i shall join them.

madness ensues. i stuck with the plan. i delved a bit. let a few slip. they would think i was crazy if i didn’t. normally.

it is no wonder every thing is. change yourself. my mom picked up on it. after praying she said, where is the love? i think i am the only one that prays. and i am exhuasted. doing exactly what i expected. still not making the move. not succombing to insanity and plunging with the heard. silence. is all.

you are designed to save time. don’t fuck with the future. fuck in the now. wear that crown of thorns.

all questions are dumb?

i think the part that irritated me was when he tried to pretend to be other people. speak of just you. i can help you. i can not help everyone.

can we have a meta-conversation. rehashing the day.

i debugged my moon calendar and ended up implementing a new and simpler algorithm without the crazy julian date conversion. this one seems to be more accurate, and by that, i mean that it reports the corresponding moon for today with the poster on the wall. who knows what kind of crazy crap was happening before and it was way too complex for me to attempt to understand it. accuracy is important as i am basing the purpose of my day on it.

i think the kenpo x really helped me feel better. laugh all you want, i like it. plus i have completed the first week, and i am starting to get ripped. not that i want to be ripped, but i just think it would be hilarious. and it will be.

my dog has heart worm. and i think it ate a chicken today. so i have mixed feelings, subtle as they may be.

i get to harvest lychee tomorrow. five hundred pounds, yet we are running a full crew. why? jean is sort of dicking us around. changing orders and harboring apprehension.

see, i only talked about the weather.

hmm… well, i am not depressed anymore, so that’s good.