what a night. i told people of impending doom. i gave them a chance to save themselves. they failed. they turned back to their drugs. and their victoria’s secret. oh how the world works that way. if you are in a harmony, it is. amazing.

sick pleasures. i recorded the conversation.

it’s pretty interesting. god damn if i never hear that word ever again. string. saying. utterance. in such a sinful way. like, you weren’t interested. your mind was blown. you weren’t even thinking. no. that’s not what you’re saying. i know.

avoidance of direct questions. i am talking to you. yes. you. speak up. find your voice. love yourself. love your life. we should do this. we should do that. you should do this. no. fuck you. what am i gonna do. me. you. i we. you are the master. my key is me.

the best way to get people to know about this is to tell them about it.

there is nothing more unattractive than admitting how fucked up you are. you are definitely missing the point. get off drugs.

what did i do?

i am dead.

no. alive.

hello. brownies.

i had a nightmare about you. you with your pretty self, touching everybody but me. hiding and afraid. running away.

it was harder waking up this morning. but i did it. alone, without any pills, for myself. but yet then i am here, with a snake, at eleven, after doing most my chores. i have to now find the motivation to till. to grow plants. to sustain myself off the land. i need to find a reason to want to live. and hey, that is a pretty good one.

i have a few days left alone. so far i have proven not to have too much time alone. i have been out and about, i have had people over, i have had fun. distracting myself from the work. my mind is rebelling. my body had desires. i am a product of their forces. yet, i am their master.

you have to lead by example. nobody else is going to do it for you. strong like bull.

i fixed your ipod.

past permutations. future consistency.

things just keep getting better and better. the clarity, it is improving.

i hung out with a greenpeace activist who told an hour long story of ruining a car and burning vast amounts of fossil fuels only to be saved by an insane taxi driver at immense cost at three in the morning. oh, it was a long story, but so predictable. why don’t kids know how to fix cars? why would an eightyfive ford ranger be a piece of shit? where did we go wrong. mainenance. see, i can’t even spell the word that is how rare it is. maintenace. you always take it to a shop or a mechanic.

complexity.

we invented a new way to play monopoly. without money. simply using houses. it devolved into putting all the pieces in the middle of the game when the rules were obscured. democracy without reason is silly, and property has immense value, but you must be able to work the land. not rape from it, but leave it better than you found it.

praise mother earth.

i witnessed severe immaturity this evening. unfortunate. short sighted and blind. oblivious. a generation of idiots and disbelievers. detatched. eating meat without ever taking life. paid for with the dollar. promises of houses and dreams paid by others expenses. stuck in the role. bound by the roll. all is control.

sleep it off.

i meditated on haili hill tonight. i love hawaii.