universal life. care. shit yeah. how about democracyuniversal.com.

it is still a good idea. those who still believe. ordering electrons. the new world order. slave to the machine if we are unafraid to speak out astainsget it, but it is so easy. and hard to keep up with. all the time so i space out and ahave tto wrivte. period.

rememveer to breath and to relax oh my. yes. athe space in betewen. now. oh i know. so i can only fly. to you in such a stae of hwawaii. with backspace involved and a keyborard of mistrust. betray me kewys? all the time fo i do not es, i dio. okay. so we . lokkook. away. is tha better. no. you cant. i can. writer. reviecer. medium. i am so selfish. ppp… see that. i write waht i can. soda can. african. american. thinking through. overwhelming when you thinking about it all. waves of nausea. i may fast. slowly. heat in the spine.

stockpiling is crazy. we are better off help my uncle build a house here than to buy fencing material.

i shall go with that opinion and plan. my disconnection gave back my reason.

this computer is killing me. sucking my energy with its electrons.

veronica visited today. it has been quite some time since i last saw her. over a year? almost two! still as stunning as ever, and going to graduate school, oh my.

we spoke freely, which was nice and refreshing. though at the same time, quite dismal.

in short, the world is fucked.

in the long, we have come a long way. so much knowledge, but as i explained and was confirmed, mankind does not understand simple concept of exponential growth. you have a bottle with one bacteria, this bacteria divides and doubles every minute, and after an hour the bottle will be full. so at what time is the bottle half full? this stumps most people. the common response is “i hate math”, yes, but it’s simple. the answer is one minute before the hour the bottle will be half full. and as a corollary, two minutes before, the bottle is a quarter full. and three minutes before one eighth, four till the hour it is one sixteenth full and so forth.

so, knowing how exponential growth works and applying it to something a bit more real. global population doubles approximately every twelve years. and we, as a planet, have already burned through more than half of our resources. how long do we have before we run out of resources?

a little less than twelve years!

what kind of solutions do we have?

imagine we find a planet with twice as many resources as the earth started with, and we manage to drag it over and “exploit” it. (they love to use that word when talking about resources, just look at any cnn article) how much time does that buy us? oh, twenty four years. that’s it! twice as much as we’ve ever had, and it only got us one sixtieth more time than we ever had.

what?

yeah, wake the fuck up. population growth, which leads directly to resource consumption, is not linear. half gone does not mean we have twice as much time. it means we have one sixtieth left. and unless you can convert all that remains into a solution, you are pretty well fucked. and even then, that has to be one clever solution. i mean to reverse all that damage. and think about it, men live for nearly eighty years, so unless you are willing to kill a bunch of them and completely stop making new ones, then you are just accelerating the amount of fuckedness and you have to bear the burden for a lifetime. your lifetime. because you and i are the problem.

this is why we are on the path for a cleansing. nature must reestablish balance. it must purge the glut and replenish her abundance.

on the lighter side of things. i got my desk back. my posture has a chance to recover. and the book the wwoofers gave me has already given me immense pleasure. twenty twelve, the return of quetzalcoatl. this guy uses science to understand prophecy. brilliant. AND he addresses population as the primary problem. pretty enlightened if you ask me.

the best thinkers are generalists. specialized in some area, but not working in their field. able to take concrete and abstract the juice. to make mother mary bleed out of her eyes. and put it all to good humor.

both veronica and alex study brains. or more, they study complete neuro circuts, which it just happens that if you take a stomach of a maine lobster and extract it properly, it acts as a complete nervous system. on a much simpler scale. and they aren’t even sure if the brain, ie the central brain, controls it. like imagine your arm that just behaves on its own. if it detects weight, it lifts. that would be like the stomach of the lobster. autonomous. yet cohesive with the rest of the crusteacean. all designed for survival within the confines of economics.

i am interested in brains. i had a lot of questions they couldn’t answer. they simply didn’t have the funding to research it. and for the most part, we as collective humans, simply don’t know. trivial shit that you would think would have been figured out and explored, but instead we bomb the middle east. we have always been at war with eastasia.

i think i knew more than they were expecting. though veronica probably knew it. i will let her take refuge here, and in fact, i extended that offer. it is not my right to do so, yet i took the liberty. none of us could point to a difinitive time, but we all acknowledge it is our problem. and that those in the future don’t even have a chance, if there is such a thing.

you conceive i at age twoish. and from then on, there is memory, there is past, there is future, and the neglect of the now gets worse and worse in your neurosis. this is something i have to explore more. the ego. we are not born with it, it is something we learn. so we are imbued with a conscious when we see our reflection and recognize that as ourselves. we become the thought instead of the thinker. but before that, we didn’t know it, so what use would it be?

it’s like giving a baby up for adoption because you are mormon and not supposed to have sex.

oh the gossip that travels across the country and then back home. naughty naughty.

i knifed a pig today.

one day, i too will wake up. for now, let me sleep.

an intellectual conversation about the apocalypse. and brains.

mmm…. lucky post eighthundred.

maybe on such a nostalgic day, it’s time to go back and read some of earlier life and perspectives?

i would like to say twenty four feels different, and in some ways it does. i really feel a calling to get my shit together. thomas jefferson was twenty four when he decided to shake up the world. i tried at twentytwo, but i can feel it. this year.

be what you want to see using the best of your ability.

the key is me. the door is open. if not now, when?

numbers explaing physics. music explains emotion. contains. if you experience it. stay true to the music. sacred words. art.

i am looking for something else. idle mind. the dafault wondering. unfocused. what do i want?

what do i want to see?

what can i be. what am i now. am i seeing what is happening? now.

from my perspective. glimpses. love.

everything.

chop wood. carry water.

insanity. wonderful. random packing. atoms breaking free. reducing potential. naturally.

sleeping with fate and waking up a virgin.

posture. my position. of all hte permutations. i chose this one. reality. because i make it real. taking gods name in vain.

let it go. free. conscious. nessesar. flowing free. on the notch like would. stretch. ahhh. yes. just like that. loosen up your neck. illusions. conrorted aura. the bright light. blinding. confusing. chill. on the car. swallow. thank you very much. pop.

every time. the same. prison of my mind. free thinker! i jest. where will i go next. you guessed it. or made it. true. ish.

are you still relaxing? okay. reverse your actions. it feels good. drp the shoulders. breathe deeply throught hte nose. get an email. changet the song. get ready. now.

go.

lucid dreams. lucid realities. samadhi.

discipline. destination. die. make it. live. for ever.

approve of god. and paint your picture. imagine yourself. imagining yourself. which is more real?

i am trying to do something else. rationalizing it. builing evidence in my descision unit. diverging and discrediting my previous oath. perhaps i am too stringent and need to set more attainable goals. then stick to them. resonably. rationally. balanced. alive in every way. love every moment. yin with yang.

does the rain feel?

mott’s. makes apple juice. it would figure. its tempting sweetness. knowledge of health. not grown anywhere near here. failure.

hurting yourself? is that love? i dare not write it.

god.

i am already looking for ways out. regretting the inevitableness. the mannerisms thare expected by the norm. real life fiction. friction.

numb. no blood. no love.  finding inspiration. to make longer more making sense sentences. staying strong. living true to yourself, see, maybe discipline is the killer of creativity. nay, as we see! it is but the cultivator of the now. the run on sentence that flows out in complete mayhem. mulled over. see those are prethoughts stuff i thought i would already say, much like this which is what the period represents. thought of. that. forcing yourself to share more than you cuould think of and change gorrillas anti-word association. antonym. simile. get rid of the period. continue to now. breech free willy. break.

resisting change. failure.

write it before you think it. i can do it. but i am resisting. perhaps i will conquer that this year. not tonight. figuring it out is enough. my mind must rest. the brain. the hardware.

me.

i want to quit. to sleep forever. to dream the solutions. implmenting them is such a task. ddamn you material world. word l. not even half way. and i am already running out of things. slowly chugging along. milking the knowledge unit. to interface with the typing one. and a serch algorithm that could probably be easily overwhelmed right now. so take over present moment. sneak by my conscious. sub marine.

it’s scared. recorded before. in everyone, til they die. writing every day. the ritual. come on. get happy. i have to sluch to do that. the posture is what is uncomfortable. i am feeling pain. and it is influencing my brain. my thoughts. i mind the pain. then it fades.

i discovered the source. i must let go. i didn’t quit. i made it. enlightenment. confidence. surrender. let go. now.

love fear. love pain. let love shine through in everything. stick with it. resist nothing.

i am merely a student. witness my weakness. my discovery then my blunder. only belive demonstrated wisdom. can i make it? yes, i belive i can. but i looked at the time, and doubt arose. fear. apprehension. pride. expectation. thought. i am being constantly bombarded by devils. thoughts to the contrary of my will. directing me in error all the time.

free. free. free.

if you phyciscally can’t do it, are you free? can you feed yourself. are you freed? the pain is terrible! i remorse and pollute.

let me sit in silence for a second. first remember to breath. ten more minutes of the unknown. i am so far from god. so far from my mom.

i want to quit so bad. i want to write failure so i can quit. but even if i write failure, i must persist. and make it. there is no easy way out now. even your worm like slithering. you quit. fuck. i know it hurts! just a second. it feels so good. peace. now the shooting pain starts. there is no win.

i shall continue for the last bit. i have more control. is that a good thing? perhaps that is the lesson. disconnecting. over come with pain that you lose the will to remain here. so unbearable. uncomfortable. alone.

good night. sweet dreams.

step up. be what you want to see. edit. save.

one year molder. plastic in the sun.