help.

reading myself, in the sky. in a blackout, i detect panic.

so, i sort of supported the corporations the other day, with bad coffee, and an honest an overdue conversation. i would even venture to call it love, minus the consequential rape in the congo. that is not love.

and i practiced my magick today. i went to a baby shower spontaneously, and gave away prayers and a hat. my soul. bound to some kid yet to be born. blessed with love, wisdom, creativity and health. it really felt good to glow. despite the person leading it was just that. i tend to have rubs with other “mystics”. frauds as i see them. trying so hard.

banyan, may god be with you.

and right back to devil worship i go. i am pavalov’s dog. gushing.

i am missing my light. it has moved across the room to the night stand. silent ecstasy. i am listening to another kind of the same thing. deja vu. and enjoying every moment regardless of the circumstances. we’re both having fun, right?

yeah. fuck yeah.

i hear you’re gone from my sister, via the facebook. how else do i know anything she said when mentioning it. time for something different. i am making a website for two thousand ten. for some undetermined office. it’s all about acting and believing yourself the way you want to see it. two. quivering. and still going.

go back, and edit it in real time. make another choice if you can. i have this theory that everything is predetermined. we have to act out an inevitable script, unless of course you can get outside, if you can think about thinking the thoughts, all ways and at all times, indefinitely. you really have to work for it. mask the disappointment and swallow, then show us all and blow me a kiss.

very few keep going. and we all end the same way. eaten.

flick your hair. you were shorter, but started later and finished last.

quit it. move on to something else. notice the pictures in the back, of a girl rising out of the earth. it’s a movie. you’ve seen it before. and told her mitch hedberg jokes with confidence, and passion. which arose with sweet kisses to the neck. deep breaths. clasping. like an emp. ire.

now. in the final moment i will understand. surrender to the pain. love.

i see it now. it is a movie. tragic and resurrected from mars. then i lost it.

symbols of the time. perhaps that’s the key, kaos. i must remember who i’m sleeping with, as a reptile brain function, i am not me. so be careful young chela. watch what tickles you.

it’s all about definition. order. now, a direct conflict. a contradiction as blatant as french. portuguese, i beg your pardon my french. again. i am a second too slow, just behind the wake, on so many levels, in too few realms. forget five. live it. be it. you already are.

perhaps that’s the key. right there. order is ego. sex is physical. and drugs are freedom.

i’m gonna do it. the signs are too right. but i must not get too carried away. the biblcal revelation is about to happen. a new reality will arise. when they try to rip space time. either you’re in our universe. massive death. freedom? a time to start new, another go at it, in a mellow acoustic way, with a soothing voice, and harmonic movements. mastery of a master.

natural improvement.

softer tongues. less misspellings. and just the right amount of attention. to every detail. even the ones you want to hide. open. up. share your soul with yourself, from the fourth person. righteous. maybe you will get another chance. an original. this time, the sheet is empty and you are the composer, the artist, and the man. that’s a lot to remember, so just let it flow, even now. what are you holding back? look at your body posture. your asana. there, that’s better.

eject liberty. plug in gluttony, a few years ago, but without much improvement since.

i am conscious of positivity now. aware of my purpose. governed by one self. always looking. science is in my blood and i give it freely. licit my knowledge and utilize.

make it a point.

oh my it’s been a while. starbucks, where unconscious people buy coffee.

taking life is something you have to be serious about. and it took me and my best friend four hours to kill, gut, skin and butcher a cow. thank god it was only about four hundred pounds. a yearling. and manageable for complete noobs. well, not complete, i mean we had killed a sheep about four months before. and we are getting much better at the whole evisceration process.

we bar be queued up part of it. i rubbed garlic, pepper and rosemary all over my slice. HEAVEN.

i was surprised with my shot. one. straight to the head. from about five yards. which is not saying much, except for the deft precision. i barely shouldered the rifle, and the snap shot on a moving target. dropped as if it were always dead. kicking as the life leaked out of it. in a clean way. let this be known to anybody who tries to fuck with me, i am damn good with a rifle.

i slaughtered a cow today. boom, headshot.