god damns it. am i miserable, no. am i completely obsessed with NF so much that it dominates my dreams and every moment of my waking life, yes. and i haven’t made the leap to completely embrace it in my life. the resistance is like rust, fucking annoying.

as i sit here now in my bad posture, one leg up, spine bent, hacking away at the computer, writing an article about making organic raised beds, a tear slips down my cheek. no. that last part was false. i only feel that way, it’s not really that way.

there is so much to do. and i am the key point here. granted, stuff will happen without me, but if it is to be right, i am.

and here, the great contradiction. bitching and moaning about bitching and moaning. and swearing in such a holy place, during such holy days. we raised our tree to father christmas last night. i prayed to the horned god, and asked for blessing in the coming season. rats promptly ate my new seedlings.

i am beginning to see through the bullshit, and there truly is no rest for the wicked. every moment must be dedicated to adonai. eternity. yet once you get it, bliss. it’s just the getting there that hurts, and the realization that you are always getting there, even when you are there. it’s hidden in our grammar and prose, if we only opened our minds to look. considered all possibilities for every opportunity.

mmm… the cold wind off the mountain makes me wish you were here, in my arms.

i fucking hate story telling. like oh, here is my life.

work work all weekend. no play for drake. i built an empire and destroyed it twice. a net loss of fish and a disgustingly gross gain of grain.

at least i admitted it. since i wrote that first line, i have changed the world. a new ruby program out in the wild. growling at people. taking their finger pokes sent over a wire.

it’s hard to know what right is until you get it. oh, i’m wrong.

it’s supposed to protect us all, but only you can determine it, for me. once you get elected, damn the people, right out of a senator’s mouth. they elected you to make decisions for them, not to uphold democracy or give a crap about their willy nilly jibber jabber. after all, they were only changing one character. and your vocabulary is robust and continent. because you have a dictionary, but that’s only the shallow story, i, pencil.

if only i could see how my vibrations effect you.

i can. look how they effect me. newton’s fourth law. based on the second, corollary of the first.

why would you have a secret copyright treaty? thank you satan.