if there was one time it would have been more appropriate to master and employ the void signature, it was then. i signed with fingers crossed after a few drinks. it hit me by total surprise, me completely ignorant, or innocent, to their rituals. the unspoken norms i am supposed to assimilate and regurgitate. i had to sign. i asked “did you think about it”.

no.

the total annihilation, all my fault. i am listening to thus zarthustra spoke and reading the foundations of high magick the magical philosophy. i am finding a newfound respect for the world. seeing things more clearly, and with that knowledge accepting the responsibility i now have. nothing in the material worlds have changed, just my attitude toward it.

and change is interesting in itself. it comes from barter.

two thousand ten shall be the year of discipline. magickly. yogicly.

yogick.

by two thousand eleven i shall be self sufficient. i must ween my family from eating with federal reserve notes or any fractional reserve based currency. i will eat locally.

dog bless.

my best friend is married. i am the executioner.

when you attempt design, the first place you should look is in nature. unless of course you look upon charity and have other things on your mind.

i sat at a rehearsal dinner and spoke about energy. i am the only person toting doom and gloom, from a rational standpoint. prophecies were mentioned, it was foretold they would be, but by one of the most well traveled and beautiful, i am abashed. her innocence is what gives her away. the twinkle in her eye as we stare at each other just a bit too long. but not enough attention was applied.

there are bigger issues tabled.

so even if we switched to nuclear and solve all our problems, hallelujah, when are we going to institute a zero population growth rate. when there is a person per square meter? when there is a person per square inch? and with nuclear, how are you going to grow that much food? who will do the growing? what are you going to use as fertilizer? oh, but we ate before we started polluting our fields with oil. yes. with eighty percent farming and much smaller populations. what radius away do you have to cultivate to feed the city of los angeles? ten miles? one hundred miles? and how are you going to get the food to those hungry mouths without diesel? and how important is their investment banking or beauty salons going to seem when you powered the vehicle that delivered it to them for pennies. lo. the world is in for some changes. and really, it banks on oil.

i was trying to figure out the modern gods. oil, money, sex, tv, drugs. supported by the phantom suppliers of corn.

i walked into a mall today. it is appaling. not a single one of those people know how hard it is to feed themselves. fat. obese. on cell phones. trying on threads sown into different shapes in a sweat shop around the world. kings of the world, killing their environment in the comfort of air conditioned clothing racks.

like sheep they queue. the unwritten rule of never cutting in line. not blurting out random things. keeping eye contact to less than a half second, a flicker, a dart, maybe a few if we find deformities or attractiveness. not interested in each other, because we are all composed of the same mindless matter. tapout. a kid wore that shirt. our open support of gladiators and suppression upon ourselves and others. the fear. the ego. the american consumer.

i was accused of being an elitist. i explained myself. then it was modestly redacted.

plain and simple, my philosophy is as follows. every problem we face on a global level is a direct result of over population, i am only advocating one thing in terms of external policy, and that is negative population growth worldwide until we are able to sustain ourselves without fossil fuels.

this means starting right now, no more babies, you have a kid, you and the child are killed. if you are already pregnant, sorry, you should have seen this one coming. but that is the problem. so many people don’t see this coming. they look at me like i am crazy. i advocate tribalism with global ideas exchanged over a lightweight internet. i advocate direct democracy for every citizen. i advocate gymnasiums and community gardens where young and old can interact and learn from each other. i advocate local gardens and a reconnection of eater with grower.

and i know the very computer i type this on would never have been possible without the fractional reserve lending and banker greed that led our populations to this peek, but what is happiness? okay, a twenty seven inch imac with eight core processor and eight gigs of ram does come pretty close, but if it was never invented, how could i envy it? it is sleeker than i ever could have imagined, but so was my other imac that i got when i was in eighth grade, and that technology only lasted for a blip. i didn’t even make it through high school before it was cannibalized, defunct and passed on for bigger and better. more speed. more power. and really, i do use the computer, though i doubt i will ever max out these eight cores, but what was the cost to the environment. all this metal. shaped into intricate forms and shipped from china to my desk. have i really benefited the world that much? did that computer do a service to me that a more subtle form of love could not? i was so unconscious when i upgraded back then. this new one though, it was intentional, a dance with the devil, i was getting while the getting was good, i know i may never see another machine so exquisite. i lust every time i lay my fingers on this paper thin wireless keyboard. i smile with inward joy every time i swipe my finger over the magic mouse and the screen scrolls just like it should. we have really hit the pinnacle. our artificial reality has almost replaced nature. the synthetic struggle.

how do you get people to change? you starve them.

i love stretching my mind. and tonight i was afforded that opportunity. an intellectual conversation about energy. with someone who knows. he buys and sells energy assets.

i think it is funny that people thought to encode messages using owls, because lord knows owls never change and it clearly obvious that they exude these attributes. nay, my friends, i have no idea how to read an owl. i know it is wise, but why is it wearing that silly hat? encryptions that were thought to be timeless and impervious faltered and floundered in less than three thousand years. complete cultures, lost. does that make you richer? coveting that knowledge, not letting it out to those who are not worthy. where am i going. it is my ignorance that blinds me. it is when it is.

i quit at my first whim.

more on the higher self. adhere to the golden ratio, and you will find things “just work”.

interpret the spaces how you’d like. it’s not the content that matters. we are on a rock floating through space.

i had one of the best christmasses to date today.

there are clues everywhere, i get to make sense of them, form my reality. my choices effect you, especially now. what i have done is the past present and future. and i am beginning not to remember the past as well, so may be it the future. i seem to grow older, so the body moves in one direction. my medium for manipulation. i made a promise, several times, will i follow through? i am really thinking about it, but it will tear me away from my present task. and force me into submission.

to sit and meditate for a full hour.

it,s christmass.

fail. short by ten.

it is only through devoted practice, immense pain, and drug use that you able to connect to the higher self. now whether you realize this or not is another level. but then once this is realized, to move out of that fish tank is easier, in fact you instantly become awash in a sea of universes, you fall away and fear that you will never return. that this body which seems so real is just a vehicle, easily abandoned.

the higher self is the mind that allows you to wonder. it is not concerned with the body.

the key is to focus on the higher self, and align it with the true will. do the universal will, and the body will just react perfectly. when you focus on the lower body, you lose your train of thought, your sight of paradise, your divine spark. to reach the higher self, you must discipline the body. take control of your whims, and realize that everything is done consciously.

i do this for this reason. and this is the result.

i can not multi task yet. when i am in the higher self, my lower self sits idle. waiting for commands. sending me signals of distress, codependency, and wants for attention. that itch on your nose, the burning pain in your heals, this muscle being tense, that muscle clenched, the want to just crack my neck. to check that my hands are still in position. to have a thought of you pop into my mind. my focus, my complete attention, because at this very moment i am trying to think of nothing, not doing, trying. and when i surrender and let go, it happens, but until then, i am subject to change.

and that brings me to the revelation. stop trying to change change. it is going to happen, it has already happened, so live with it. love it, and be happy with who it is. inevitability, like actors from a play, no way to change the script, and where improv is expected. how do we do anything unexpected? can we break this norm? scene after scene, we try, and nothing gets done. we roll the dice for three spaces forward, only to fall three spaces back. sure, it feels like things have changed, but have they?

providence.

if we still talked, i’d blow you a kiss. the comma conditional.