sorry, i am already over the emotions, i am on to complacent acceptance. exceptance.

three and a half times. wound. twice to ten. together the union is two. on or off.

the big game of hide and seek, and it’s my pride that won’t let the game end. cloaked in ignorance. suffering as a result of choice. venturing along the razor’s edge when i could concede to generation by means of the black magician. i understand now how it’s done. without even trying my web is woven. true understanding only results in obscuration. the more fluent, the more subtle.

a direct relationship, just like human population and the availability of oil.

am i ready myself?

no. i don’t think i can do it alone. and right now, i long to fall into the pattern my father has pioneered. the trap has been set. the inevitability of a cycle coming back around in the adventure with recurring characters. her blue eyes. innocent. my gray eyes, seeing it all. knowingly delving. staring shakti down. desperate for union with the heart.

culturing it within myself. but not content with the expedience. always milking more. peering through the conditioning when no one else is ready to join me.

part of it is i take this all to be a dream. a waking consciousness, peculiar with particular analysis. in one state only reactionary. in another, visionary and more regular. the fact that memories seem to be related, and that i can visit a place in a distant land and be recognized on multiple occasions. it’s a good thing i am given multiple chances. i may have missed the obvious.

do you ever think it’s odd that almost every word in the dictionary has an etymology that comes from the fifteenhundreds at the latest? sure, there are those that come from latin and greek, but those also seem to be rewritten or revised right there at that epoch. or should i say aera.

i ate ice cream today. from sharkey’s. and i said hello to the sexy tatoo girl. aloha was the actual phrase. then i sat in the rain and enjoyed the cone. coffee melted. a man woman was across the street in the salon. looking out. looking depressed. too ashamed to make eye contact of my situation. some hippies pulled up in a land cruiser. they acknowledged me. and lived out of their car. after the shower and consumption, i said thank you, in plain english, which was immediately returned in exactitude. the social construction never fails. especially in a state of surprise. a smile. she’s cute.

departure. intensity without stress. the acceleration engineered by honda and powered by saudi investments and millions of man hours at unfathomable environmental cost. all for what? a better standard of living made possible by social stratification and political dominance. the economy, and what it means to me now, is barely an average.

thank you ted for letting me read. letting me write. opening my brain to thought, and protecting me in my endeavors.

i like it because the keyboard feels more fluid. as if the flow is coming easier as i stop.

trillions of brains not allowed to supernova.

to the temple i trample.

now that’s scary. collapse.

i read the one straw revolution over the last few days. i am a new man. ready to fully embrace fukuoka. to move to the mountain and do-nothing.

i think it is funny that people read his book and then don’t get it. and to me, it was as if i had written it. his prose come from just beneath my nose. the vocalization of thoughts that had been swirling around.

i am still pondering the presentation of fire over lake. i look at the world more and more every day as a symbol. not something that can be changed, but something that is changing. and here i am, peaking out through my senses trying to obtain some semblance. trying to escape this machine, yet always coming back for more. as if i have some duty to fulfill with it’s terrible grip. as if through darkness i can summon light. without compromising my soul.

bohdi had an interesting point with compromise, as it comprises promise. as if the vow of keeping the vow is the vow in it’s ultimate form. the action beyond the action. the unwritten law as the highest purpose.

i like the idea of the bridge floating past the still water.

i keep looking for something that isn’t there. but it’s in this search that i find the atrocities which are so easily consuming the masses. that if you don’t have vigilance and gnowledge, that you will become the black magician. it has been bred in to you and become what is considered instinct. the general consciousness of waiting till tomorrow to take personal responsibility, but that ain’t me.

i hear the voices of angels. with their subtle lisp of kundalini. her soft blue eyes, and gentle hugs heart to heart. the repeating patterns i am destined to fall in love with. the signs popping up all over my reign.

i could continue for ever. but i won’t.

conflict and resolution. move on before you stand still.

softly.

i spend my time elucidating realities only to have people pretend as if i am attacking them. no, you are attacking yourself, i am simply pointing out that babalon isn’t all you thought it was, and when you fathom the true aspects in their finer detail, money really isn’t the greatest thing for establishing value, especially when it is at the expense of the planet. telephones, the internet, and your car basically just speed up the process of raping the limited supplies we have to work with. sure there is cspan, but who watches that? most of us just want to see some breasts.

i had a wonderful time in kohala. definitely different then how i had envisioned it. i’ve realized it’s hard to shake old habits and to let go of control. i realized that i am not so high and mighty and that i have the same basic fundamental flaws as everyone else, i am just blessed with a pure vision that get’s more pure all the time, and i am enabled to a certain extent to live the dream every moment of my life.

but like bohdi said, this is the same problem we have always been facing, and it lasts forever. but we will always find each other and relish in our prayers.

my ego totally has a crush. i got married in a dream. sort of. i can feel my mind melting when i try to recognize it all in it’s true form.

this garbled mess i have woven is steadily breaking down.

every time i return from the north, i awake at sunrise. just enough to spot the sun breaching the ocean.

i am alive in a land of zombies. be patient my fair maiden, i shall return soon.

i am so tired. it is hard.